Saturday, 2 February 2013

Two jokes and two short stories

E for empty!! We're running out of gas! quick, make a beeline to the petrol kiosk!

Short story no.1: Wife’s former beau

On a fine weekend John Adams, Senior President of a large corporation was free enough to accompany his wife Magdalene for shopping; they were out with him at the wheel when he realized that the car needed refilling of gas. “Damn!” John was cursing his driver for not topping up the gas when he handed the car to John before the weekend.  While waiting to fill up the gas for the car, John realized that his wife was being uneasy in her expression.

                    Topping up the gas before going for a long distant ride.

“What’s bugging you, Mag my dear? You seemed to have seen a ghost!”
“Nah! I didn’t see anything ghastly.” Magdalene spoke almost inaudibly while remaining seated in the car. She pointed to a pump attendant at the petrol station, “See that man, John? He was my ex-boy friend before I married you.”
“Now don’t you feel proud and glad to have married me – I am the Senior President of a large conglomerate of chained corporations?”
“What make you so certain? If I were to marry him, he will be the Senior President of the large conglomerate of chained corporations, NOT you!” The husband was caught tongue tight and was unable to retort at that instant. 

Short story No.2: 

The glass window couldn't be opened!

                                Look Mom, I'm about to hold her hand.
                   Girl seated next to the glass window of the school bus.
                One by one, no hurry. The patient driver will wait for you.

On the first day of a new schooling year, 12 year-old Jaime was excited to find himself in the school bus seated next to a sweet young thing; the cherubic doll-like girl was sitting close to the glass window but she did not utter a sound, nor she returned a ‘Hello, Good morning!’ accosting from Jaime.  Gathered enough courage, Jaime scribbled on a piece of paper and handed the note over to the girl of his dream. It read: ‘Do you want to be my friend? If you do, kindly pass the note back to me. If you don’t, just throw the piece of paper out of the window!” Jaime was elated to receive the note returned to him from the girl. She wrote on the returning note: 

"The damned glass window of the bus couldn't be opened!"

The school bus, India.   
                        Old School Bus with open window              

Story no. 3 is not a joke:

Boss had been working very hard for me.

Wealthy Chinese women showing off the fruit of their hard work,
                                         and conquest of the day-expensive
                                               branded apparels bought.
A modern day Chauffeur 

Middle aged Chinese titan tycoon of Zhejiang Province (Shanghai and the neighboring cities) Wang Jin Yao died prematurely in his prime in the modern business world of China. It was most unfortunate as his business empire had been reaping handsome rewards after more than two decades of his matriculate planning in marketing and sales and untiring effort.  Shortly after his demise, Wang’s widow, armed with a cache of RMB 1.9 billion worth of property and solid cash, married his driver. While basked in fortune, bliss and sudden wealth, the lucky former chauffeur sighed: In the past, I thought that I had been working busily and faithfully for the boss. Now I realized it was the other way round; he had been working very hard for me.

Heavily dressed up for the occasion. A bride wears as much of gold as possible on her big day when she ties the knot. These are mainly the gifts presented to her by in-laws, relatives of both parties and from friends and folks. To the wealthy and famous people, this is a day to show off how much they are worth. Very often it is way too extravagant and excessively ostentatious in displaying their vanity in their traditional cultural practice. 

Story no. 4:

If you don’t want the gift from the boss, you can give to others.

How do you like it when your boss presents you a casket like this as an incentive in recognition of your hard work.

A company in Southern China was doing fairly well that at year end the owner selected one of his best employee to be bestowed a rare gift from the company as a token for his loyal service. However the gift turned up to be a coffin! The employee was looking forward for some cash reward or something precious like a branded apparel or a gold pendant etc. For most Chinese people, receiving a gift in the form of a solid coffin was a great taboo that should be shunned as it signified death. However the weirdo bigoted boss insisted that the coffin was an ideal gift for his worker. He explained that coffin in Mandarin words ‘kuan cai’ meant ‘official wealth’ when written in different Chinese characters but pronounced as the same. He claimed to mean well to the employee and had harbored no funny idea or hidden agenda. The employer lamented: “As for the gift, if my employee did not want it, it could be donated to those who needed it.” He incurred the wrath of hundred thousands of China’s netizens who cursed him for his miserly ethics and insensitive treatment to his staff.

Back in the 1800s (or even earlier) till 1960s some wealthy Chinese families hoarded old styled coffins at the back of their large houses, in the store rooms, to standby in times of "emergency use". With the elders witnessed so much untimely death and misery during the warring years, the seniors were concerned that their descendants might have no money to buy coffins when facing their demise. Honestly speaking, though the art of making traditional coffin has been deemed a crafty value of the Chinese heritage, the finished products always present an eerie, ghastly look, especially under dim light. The traditional Chinese coffin if available, is very heavy and expensive too. 

Alan CY Kok

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